I sat on my bed...I cried...I didnt know what to do...I was so emotional...I thought of ending my life...But I was afraid of pain...I had been trying to end my life...Death was the best choice in my mind...I remembered during the army period when my sergeant told me when we wanted to jump from a few stories of a building...I was not afraid to jump...but the person in front of me was so scared...I remembered very clearly the sergeant said," It's only 2 storey...If you jump from 20 storey then you will have fainted before you reach the ground.."
That was probably the best choice...If I fainted I would never feel the pain...Just before I jumped...I prayed to God.. " God, If this is my only way,the way that Your Highness wants me to, then I shall follow it."
Out of the sudden the Death God approached me...He said, " Ending your physical body doesnt mean that you are gonna be free...you, your soul will wander around this earth until you completely finish your 'given life'. "
I was afraid when I was told so...But I didnt find any meaning in my life..So I begged the Death God to let me follow him....
He agreed..."When you follow me you are no longer Jimmy, your name will be Utriel."
As he said so I let my body fall...The next thing I knew, I saw my body covered with blood...Having followed the Death God, I had seen many death and suicide cases...Sometimes it's just something unexplainable...I used to laughed at those who committed suicide...In the end I did it myself...
Until one day...we went to a place, the place was so familiar to me...I knew...It was my ex-girlfriend's apartment...I wondered what the Death God doing there....So we went inside...I saw my ex-girlfriend, Rina , holding a knife..she was trying to end her life...I still loved her so much,that I begged the Death God not to take her life...In exchange I will be his slave and help him do his job for the remaining 'life'...
That time..I heard her crying," I'm sorry Jim,I had you committed suicide, I love you so much...I just dont want to hurt you that I asked for a break-up....Maybe we are just not meant to be...It was all my fault...my fault..."
I recalled when I was with her...I was the one who chased her,I was the one who asked her to be my Girlfriend...I was rejected countless times that in the end she accepted me...I was always be there for her...I stayed awake just to talk to her..I spent all my savings just for her...yeah..she did love me so much when we were in relationship...but she could not get rid of her drinking habit...I let her to go drinking, but I couldnot accompany her everytime since I had loads of work to do...even though sometimes..sometimes I knew she ended up sleeping with another guy when she was drunk...but I could forgive her...again and again I forgave her...Until that day that she initiated a break-up...I didnt want to break up with her..I was willing even she treated me badly...I just wanted to be with her...and I knew that she loved me so much, and I did really have the proof when she said she loved me before ending her life...She just wanted me to get a better life without her...She had never thought that I would end up my life....
Rina could be saved as she was taken to the hospital before she lost her life...A few weeks later she recovered..Inside the hospital she met a principal of a school from a government school, the principal asked her to teach at her school....and she agreed...
Everytime I had time , I went to visit her...She taught her students well, I loved to hear the laughter of the children taught by her...She smiled everytime I visited her as if she knew I was with her.
Time passed by...7 years had passed...I just finished my 'job' and I went to visit her...She wasnt at school...so I looked around the school and found out that she was hospitalised..I rushed myself to the hospital and found the Death God was with her..
"Sorry Utriel,but it's her time to 'go' ."
I was sad and yet happy that she had done meaningful thing and hadn’t ended up like me...She had been a good teacher,her students were praying for her outside her ward...
"Could I ask for one last request?"
"What would it be, Utriel?"
"Let me be the one to end her life..."
So then,I cut the connection of her physical body and her soul...her soul flew to the sky...I saw her smiling and I was sure that she was happy,She was happy that I was there till the end,and I did give her the chance to let her have a wonderful life...The last thing I heard was
"I will be waiting..."
A few days after that...The Death God called me and said that it was my time to 'go'...I was happy,I was not scared at all,not even a glinch of fear...Because in my mind I had been looking forward to this time...The time where I could go and be with Rina....somewhere....
-FIN-
Read the Indonesian translation HERE
Author: Anfransen Wijaya
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